Observasi dan Rekoleksi

Observasi dan Rekoleksi (Observations and Recollections) is the Malaysian spelling of the parenthetic terms. I choose to use the Malaysian (style) spelling. American/English spelling is so anomalous. It’s a wonder that Americans haven’t followed the French and completely revised spelling/pronunciation. A case in point: ughoetia, if one applies aberrant pronunciation, is fish (thanks to Tony Randall). Nonetheless, these are observations and recollections.
"Journal (jury´nil) 1. a daily record of happenings, as a diary." Obviously, this is not. However, I prefer to refer to it as thus. This is not a memoir. Nowadays they have become synonymous with scandal, revelation and outing. This is a series of observations and recollections.
Why does one keep a journal, write down in black and white their observations and recollections? Is it for one’s own amusement, edification, explication, communication or perhaps a monstrous ego trip? Take your choice. And, still I do it.
I did have the audacity to attempt poetry, in my younger days. Happily, only two lines remain in my mind’s eye--"flat-coated dogs in hungry searches press" and "the Whore of Babylon entered this life of mine, and struck to dust my reason’s rigid spine." What pretense! Do what you do best. I have been trained visually to see, to observe, to perceive and distinguish relationships. At my age, the mental and emotional relicts that I have amassed allow me to perceive, however dimly, however fleeting, some answers.
I have been raised with words, the beauty of words assembled, the elegance of precise expression, the joy of apt phrases in the proper place, civilized conversation and barbed repartée. As a boy of twelve, I knew the meaning of and could employ the word "facetious." However, I must admit, I thought that it was spelled "vacitious!" Thank the God for "Spell Check" on my computer! I blame my less than adequate spelling ability on the fact that I was taught to read by word recognition rather than phonics as well as a state of mild dyslexia.
Words are precise, and the variations (variation: nuance, degree, distinction, enhancement, shade, subtlety, touch, trace) especially within the American language is remarkable. Modern American has undergone some quite astounding mutations, even in my lifetime--e.g., in common usage, the shift of the word "queer" from "peculiar " or "bizarre" to mean "homosexual;" or "groovy" from something which possesses grooves or furrows to mean "highly satisfactory" or "very pleasing.;" and the inclusion of words like: "ain't" or "shit" in a civilized dictionary (horror of horrors!).
It was impressed upon me that an extensive, active vocabulary was the mark of intelligence, if not education. Although I must admit that education does not always insure a dynamic vocabulary or even correct pronunciation--e.g., I was amused, almost to the point of horrification when an American TV newscaster mispronounced both Chopin (chop-in) and Bach (botch).
There was always a dictionary in my parents’ home, and there has always been one in my home. It is the one publication that is the most worn.
Therefore, this pseudo-journal in reality becomes an "Apologia" in the fullest sense of the word--an explication, an exegesis, a commentary, an agama--and an expression. The joy of life and the pain of living. The exaltation of reaching a goal and the excruciating labor in the process. Maybe, this finally the removal of a small light from under the basket. Ah, the joys and sorrows of being a "late bloomer."